Kettle, The Kitchen Alchemist: Cooking Up Chaos (and Sometimes Dinner)

Overview

Kettle is a 5-star Legendary Ice hero from the Goblin family, introduced to Empires & Puzzles in September 2023. As a member of the mischievous Goblin clan, he brings a unique "gambler" mechanic to the table, quite literally. Unlike his more reliable brethren who consistently apply Wither or Growth, Kettle leaves his output to the whims of RNG. He is a Slow mana speed Cleric, meaning he takes his sweet time to prepare a meal that might save your team—or give everyone food poisoning. He is the culinary equivalent of playing Russian Roulette with a spice rack.

Hero Art & Visuals

Kettle's design is a delightful mix of whimsical and menacing. Sporting a chef's hat that has seen better days and wielding a massive wooden mallet (presumably for tenderizing meat... or adventurers), he perfectly captures the chaotic energy of a Goblin kitchen. The green skin, sharp teeth, and manic expression suggest that sanitation ratings were not a priority in his establishment. The "Dubious Cuisine" bubbling in his pan looks radioactive, serving as a fair warning for the potential "Catastrophic Kitchen Failure" that awaits. It's a fun, flavorful design that stands out, even if his cooking doesn't always win Michelin stars.

General Info

Hero Stats

Looking at Kettle's stats in the context of late 2025, he shows his age. With a base power of 940 and stats hovering around 949 Attack and 900 Defense, he falls significantly behind the modern power curve. For comparison, recent heroes like Adelitza and Lin Chong boast stats exceeding 1300 in Attack and Defense with health pools over 2200. Even with a second Limit Break, Kettle's numbers barely scratch the surface of what modern heroes offer out of the box. He is statistically outdated, relying entirely on his special effects to make an impact.

Special Skill: Dubious Cuisine

Kettle's special skill, Dubious Cuisine, is the definition of high risk, varying reward. Being Slow speed, you expect a game-changing effect when he finally fires. Instead, you get a roll of the dice:

1. Exquisite Food (45% Chance): This is the "good" defensive outcome. A 50% heal is substantial, comparable to top-tier healers, and the Growth effect granting +400 Defense is massive. If this fires, your team becomes incredibly tanky.
2. Rotten Food (45% Chance): This is the "good" offensive outcome. 350% damage to all enemies is a heavy hit, and the 965 Poison damage over 5 turns adds significant pressure.
3. Catastrophic Kitchen Failure (10% Chance): This is the "why did I bring this hero" outcome. Dealing 100% damage to everyone, including your own team, is a slap in the face after waiting for a Slow hero to charge.

While the 90% combined chance for a positive effect seems decent, the inability to control which positive effect you get makes him unreliable. Need a heal? He might nuke the enemy. Need a kill shot? He might heal your full-health team. And that looming 10% failure rate is statistically small but psychologically devastating when it happens during a critical War hit.

By the Numbers

• Mana Speed: Slow. Requires 12 tiles to charge (without troops/bonuses). This is his biggest hurdle.
• Heal (Exquisite): 50% of Max HP. For a modern team with 2500 HP, that's a 1250 HP heal.
• Defense Buff (Exquisite): +400 Defense (Growth). This is a static add, meaning it stacks with percentage-based defense buffs, making heroes exceptionally sturdy.
• Damage (Rotten): 350% to all. With ~1000 Attack (LB1), that's a raw damage output of roughly 3500 before defense reduction.
• DoT (Rotten): 965 Poison over 5 turns = 193 damage per turn. This ignores defense and is a strong finisher.
• Failure Rate: 1 in 10 casts will hurt you. In a long battle where he fires 3 times, there's roughly a 27% chance you'll see at least one failure.

Family Bonus, Passives, Aether Power & Unique Abilities

Family Bonus

Kettle benefits from the standard Goblin family bonus, but unlike many of his kin who apply Wither or Growth as a guaranteed part of their special, Kettle only applies Growth on his healing roll.

Passives

Kettle possesses the Goblin's Trick passive (listed as "Effects on Special Skill" in some data). He has a 60% chance to deal 90% damage to all enemies and inflict -25% accuracy for 3 turns upon casting his special.

• Analysis: This is actually a very strong passive. It provides a layer of blind that can save your team from incoming slash attacks or specials. Since it triggers on cast, it happens regardless of whether he cooks Exquisite or Rotten food (and presumably even adds insult to injury during a Failure).

Aether Power

Special Armor: reduces damage received from Special Skills.

• Analysis: This helps him survive. As a Slow hero, his main job is staying alive long enough to fire. Special Armor is one of the better defensive Aether Powers, though it doesn't fix his fundamental speed or RNG issues.

Legacy & Modern Relevance

• Historical Context: Upon release, Kettle was widely regarded as the "booby prize" of the Goblin portal. While his peers like Deadboot and Acidfire defined the meta, Kettle was seen as a liability due to his Slow speed and self-harm potential.
• Power Creep Analysis: Power creep has been unkind to Kettle. His stats were already average for a Goblin, and now they are low. Modern heroes do what he does (Heal or Damage) faster, reliably, and with better stats.
• Modern Viability Verdict: Kettle is largely obsolete for competitive play. He is too slow and unreliable for Wars or Raids. His only remaining niche is in Rush Attack formats where his speed is mitigated, or for newer players who lack other 5-star healers/hitters. He is primarily a collector's item or a fun "chaos" pick for friendly matches.

Emblem Path Analysis

Kettle needs to survive to fire his Slow special. If he dies with a full mana bar, he's useless. Therefore, durability is key.

The Head Chef (Defensive)

• Path: Health > Defense > Attack
• Pros: Maximizes survivability, ensuring he gets to roll the dice at least once. The Cleric class Manashield also helps him resist mana stops.
• Cons: Lowers the damage of his "Rotten Food" roll.

The Angry Cook (Offensive)

• Path: Attack > Defense > Health
• Pros: Maximizes the hit of Rotten Food and the DoT ticks.
• Cons: He might die before he can serve dinner.

Final Recommendation

For most players, the Defense/Health path is recommended. His utility comes from the massive 50% heal or the blind passive; keeping him alive to trigger these is more valuable than squeezing out a bit more damage from an unreliable attack.

Strengths

• High Ceiling: When he rolls well, he rolls very well. A 50% heal + 400 Defense is a game-winning sustain move.
• Blind Passive: The 60% chance for -25% accuracy is a solid disruption tool that triggers reliably on cast.
• Versatility (Technically): He covers both healing and damage roles, saving a slot... if you get lucky.

Weaknesses

• Unreliable (RNG): You cannot plan your turn around him. You might desperately need a heal and get damage, or vice versa.
• Slow Speed: In the current "Very Fast" meta, Slow heroes are sitting ducks.
• Self-Harm: The 10% chance to damage allies is unacceptable for a modern 5-star hero.
• Outdated Stats: He is squishy compared to 2025 heroes.

Best Game Modes

• Rush Attack (Tournaments/Wars): His Slow speed becomes Very Fast. The chaos is more acceptable when he fires every few turns.
• PvE / Map Stages: In long battles, the RNG averages out, and the defense buff/heal is great for survivability.
• Farming: The damage roll is decent for clearing waves if he charges.

Advanced Strategy & Team Compositions

Kettle is best used when you don't rely on him for a specific role. Don't use him as your only healer.

Sample Team Ideas

• The "Casino" Rush Team: Kettle - Rumple - Danzaburo - Goldie - Alfrike. Lean into the RNG and chaos. It might not win, but it will be memorable.
• The Turtle Shell: Kettle - Ludwig - - - . Put Kettle next to Ludwig to force-feed him mana. With Ludwig's taunt protecting him, Kettle can fire repeatedly, stacking Defense buffs or whittling enemies down.

Counters & Anti-Synergies

• Mana Controllers: Hel, Proteus, or any hero who stops mana generation shuts him down completely.
• Taunt/Dodge: If he rolls "Rotten Food," it can be easily blocked or dodged.
• Reliability: The biggest counter to Kettle is bad luck.

Advice for New Players

If Kettle is your first 5-star hero, congratulations! He is strong enough to carry you through early Map Seasons. His heal is massive for early game, and his damage wipes low-level teams. Level him, but be wary of spending precious 4-star ascension materials (Telescopes) if you have a more reliable Blue hero waiting.

Advice for Veterans

Kettle is likely "Soul Exchange" fodder for you. Unless you are a collector or want to build a meme team for Rush Wars, he does not justify the roster space or resources. Do not Limit Break him. Do not give him Alpha Aethers.

Community Corner: Hot Takes & History

The community has never been kind to Kettle. From his release, he was branded the "booby prize" of the Goblin event.

• "He is one of the worst event heroes ever released... The biggest gamble in rush war."
• Many players compared him unfavorably to Danzaburo and Rumplestiltskin, noting that at least Rumple's effects are all positive.
• One user summarized the frustration perfectly: "I don’t already like (C-)Rumple and he has all positive effects... This looks like 5-star Danza. The goblin should do what normal kettle does and go back to the kitchen."
• Despite a balance update bumping his defense buff to 400, the consensus remains that he needs a speed increase to Average to be viable.

Final Thoughts

Kettle is a hero with a lot of flavor but a terrible recipe. He tries to do everything and ends up being reliable at nothing. While the thrill of the gamble can be fun, competitive Empires & Puzzles rewards consistency, which Kettle lacks entirely. He belongs in the kitchen, not on the battlefield—unless you're really hungry for some chaos.

Verdict: A fun toy for Rush Attack, but a liability everywhere else. Better served as food for the Soul Exchange.